-Boring,
...I know, you know, we know...-
I may not be the best girl in the whole wide world but won't be the worst too. I don't feel like writing today blog post but since I have so many things running around my mind recently, finally I made up my mind by posting and typing this blog post. Before I posted something on my blog, I will think twice and guess who will be the one reading my blog. Actually, I don't really mind who want to actually read my blog and give nasty comments on me. I mean in life, we are not perfect. So, I don't mind others discussing how sucks my english is or my blog post will be. If you don't feel like reading, just leave. Don't waste time doing things you don't even interested on.
First & foremost, I would like to thanks to all my readers, friends also people who actually supported me, follow my blog and been commenting on my post. I may not be famous, I may not be beautiful, I may not be writing a very good blog post but I will do my best. Whenever I am down, I write a lot. I am not good at expressing my feelings through telling people how miserable life can lead me to but I am good at writing it. God gave me a very good life, I have a very wonderful family & friends who treated me well and felt thankful for my existing in life. You know when you passed away or leave the world to heaven, the most impressive memory you'll be leaving behind is only the memories that you've built with them. I remembered the happiest moment and also the saddest moment in my 18 years of life living in this complicated world. I can't compete to the people elder than me by telling them I met more people than you do or I got more experience about humans behaviour more than you do.
Yes, I admit that I met a lot of people in my life and the people that once appear in my life that make me the most happiness girl on earth are now leaving me alone one by one. People come and go,the good one and also the bad one. Life is realistic, materialistic and also egoistic. When you met the real good friend, you don't know what is the word "appreciate". Until the moment they leave you, you then realise what is "appreciate" means.
I am a very childish, Immature and also stubborn girl. I admit every part of this. I don't deny the fact that I am this kind of person. I don't think there are personality or attitude that are needed to be hidden to the people. What makes me know who I am ? Talk to your closest friends. All of my friends seen the best part of me and also the weakest and ridiculous part of me but still remains right besides me. I don't leave anyone, I talk to everyone. Yes I made mistake, but I admit on my mistakes. I tell the truth, whatever I did wrongly I admit it. I don't play twist and turn game, because it don't suite me. I hate people escaping from their mistakes because I will have that kind of thinking whereby "the more things you are trying to hide or lie on, the more people will get to find out." FYI, I hate liars and fcking hate liars. If I know you lied in front of me, I will never forget about it and I will totally lost trust on you. I will just keep myself in silence and leave. I don't have a very good attitude, but I am willing to accept everyone mistakes. I know the concept of "people makes mistakes. As long as they are willing to change and face it they deserves a second chance."
Jealousy ? It's very common in this modern society. I am so dumb and naive, I never stop reminding myself this. God well-treated me, I know a lot of friends, I am good to most of the people. Just to simplified it, as long as you are good to me, I'll be treating you good as well but If you treated me bad, I'll still treat you good but just not that good any more. I always forget that when I am good to somebody, there'll be outsider or among friends who are jealous. I always have this perception going on my mind, when I am good to you, and I have a group of best friends, I will not hesitate to bring you in and join my gang of friends. For me, I want everyone to be good and be friends together but bad things always happened. It's either later on I will be the one being left out or I will be having misunderstanding by believing too much of rumours. I am not telling who is this person I am talking about, but I can tell that she is really important in my life. The night I listened to rumours and started this unnecessarily and childish arguments against her, she actually cry so hard. She is not crying because she is sad. She is crying that hard because she is so disappointed. I'd rather listen to what people tell me than trusting the real friendship relationship that we've built so hard between just the both of us. People around us can tell how close we were, we are like real sisters who owns the same parents and flowing the same blood. A lot of our friends actually jealous on our friendship too. Since, misunderstanding happened, we are awkward and obviously we barely speak. Just imagine, the closest person in your friendship life are leaving you. I regretted so much after I started the arguments with her. I beg her best friend, admitting my mistakes, learn to face my mistakes, swear that I will never want to be that childish any more. Of course, this takes times. If I am standing on where she is standing, I will feel the same disappointment too. Good to know, I woke up and gain something. Now, although we are getting closer back together but right by her side are accompanied by other friend. Which means, I used to be the closest friends to her and also the first person she trusted that much are now the second or maybe even worst or no rank in her heart.
This given me a very good lessons learned in life, learn to appreciate. God are good to me, they gives me all the goods and chances to be the first rank in people's heart but somehow because of my own attitude and ridiculous behaviour, I've lost the opportunity for keep being the first. Only once a number one then is either number 2 or no position in people's heart. I just want to tell you that, even though I will never ever be your number 1 again, but I will always rank you as my number 1 and no one can actually understand me more than you do. I was at least once on your hand phone wallpaper which makes me feel so proud. Whenever I face problems, I will still go for her. She is my listener and I feel comfortable if only she know my mistakes. I don't know, I just feel comfortable if she know what is happening in my life. No worries, God gave me the second chance and I will learn step by step what is "appreciation" real meaning.
Frankly, I knew a girl for almost a year and one ordinary sentence that came from her make my eyes wet. IKR, I am so easily be touched by small matters. She said "she love being friends with me and she'd rather be friend with me. Much more comfortable." She seen the bad side of me and even the good side of me, yet still telling me this. I am not trying to stated that people who praise me are good people and people who don't praise me are suckers or bad people. What I mean is, I don't think I worth people praising or rank me as their most important person. I will appreciate them and thanks for telling me that my existence are that important for them. I think a lot. I always think that I am the extra one but when I know there are actually people who think that I am important, I am happy. I mean, who don't ?
I messed up quite a number of things in life, I fixed several of them and some remains a mess. Now, I learn and slowly get to know about my life. Last time, I used to be unhappy and stubborn to keep thinking what's mine is mine. Yes, I hate people grab things that are supposed to be mine. I cry a lot and not even a day without thinking about this matter. Now, I've change. "The more I care, the more people are laughing behind of me ; The more I started to fall my tears, the more people are giving me an applause ; The more I stay, the more people will comments on you." What for make life such miserable ? We are the one that used to be the closest but don't know since when it begins we are not close any more. Why am I supposed to be the one always care about stuff that you guys don't even give a damn on ? Am I just a fool ? I don't know what makes our friendship fade since we were strong at first, but I know that true friendship won't fade that easily. Real friendship are strong, no matter how people talk the negative side of you, real friend will stand out and support you also never choose to leave you of gossips. I don't know why my life got that much people jealous of who I am and trying to destroy every of my friendship but don't worry I am strong enough to face it although I am all alone with no one supporting me. I am alone, but at least I am real. I can see through my eyes and felt through the deep of my heart, who trusted gossips and leave me. I can see who knows about my gossips but still remains besides me. If you'd rather trust gossips more than our friendship, then you may leave. If you know about my gossips but still staying right beside of me, supporting me, trusting me, you are welcome to my life and thank you.
As I said always " I don't live my life for entertaining you, If you want to stay then just stay, If you want to leave then please do. I don't force people to be with me. " -amelia's
I don't expect or pleased anyone to treat me good, I just want you to be who you are and let me be the one who treated you good. So, you don't have to write or trying to give me hint by saying "people once treated you good and you expect more" or "ask urself about why people come and go in ur life". Who is the real innocent, God knows. I believe me myself will get through all the ups and downs in life. Remember that God arrange it for a reasons.
